The Freedom In Sobriety

Two Years.

Two years of sobriety.

Two years of turning to God instead of alcohol during tough times.

Two years of facing my feelings instead of covering them up.

The Beginning:

When I first started drinking daily, I was 19 years old. I remember sitting in my friend's apartment, sipping from a lemonade bottle that wasn’t really lemonade. As I took a sip, I felt the burn of vodka as it went down, and warmth spread throughout my body. Alcohol provided me with a comfort I had never experienced before. It was a temporary relief, a moment when my spiraling thoughts would cease—a moment when I could forget being assaulted.

During that year, I was mean, manipulative, and entitled. I would do anything to access alcohol, and if that access felt threatened, I became defensive and deceitful. My behavior was selfish, and it came at the expense of my relationships. That's what addiction does: it ruins connections with others and makes you act irrationally, all in pursuit of a temporary, false sense of peace.

After I was assaulted, the people who they send to talk to you must of been a Christian group. In the packet of paperwork they provided, which summarized my care, there was a referral to a Christian counseling facility. They said it could help me. I laughed and tossed the referral aside, saying to my friend, “What are they going to do? Tell me to pray about it?”

As I write this now, currently seeing a Christian counselor weekly, I can't help but chuckle at how naive I was, so quick to dismiss Christian counseling and the power of prayer. I wonder how things could have been different if I had gone to counseling. Would I have ever started drinking to that extent? Would I have used marijuana and alcohol to self-medicate? Would I have made a decision for Christ then instead of many years later?

I try not to dwell on these questions because I will never know the answers and I genuinely believe that God is using my story and my mistakes to help those around me and to demonstrate the redemptive power of Jesus Christ.

The Conviction:

In October 2022, I began to feel a conviction as I poured a glass of wine after work. I brushed it off and took that first sip, but the feeling persisted. After one generous glass of wine, however, the conviction faded. The following morning, I woke up feeling regret as I scrambled to get out of bed just fifteen minutes before I had to leave for work. As I looked in the mirror to get ready, I quickly wiped off the remnants of last night's makeup and walked out the door, only to repeat the cycle when I returned home.

That feeling of conviction continued to intensify over time, but I found that after another generous glass of wine, I could silence the realization of my addiction. It wasn’t until December 31st, at a New Year's Eve party, that I could no longer avoid the conviction. I made a decision that night to remain sober throughout January; I wasn't ready to commit to a life without alcohol so just January would suffice

As I moved through January, sober and fasting for the new year, I gained clarity about God's will for my life and the path He wanted me to take—a path of sobriety.

The Journey:

When I made the decision to get sober, I knew it was the right choice, but it would not be easy. Nonetheless, it was a decision I had prayerfully considered, and I felt confident that it was what I needed to do to be obedient to God. By the power of the Holy Spirit, I did not experience withdrawal, and I don't mention this naively; I am deeply aware that this isn’t everyones experience and of how blessed I was to have the Lord walking with me, guiding me, and comforting me throughout my journey of sobriety

I refer to it as a journey because that is exactly what it is—one that you take one day at a time. It is not a race with a finish line; rather, it is a continuous journey of unwavering trust in the Lord.

It hasn’t been easy; it has been a choice I make every day. There are many days when I am surrounded by alcohol because the people in my circle have not made the same decision. There have been moments when I thought that drinking might ease the pain I felt, but I know that pain is meant to be experienced, and that temptation is the voice of the enemy.

I continue to make a conscious choice every day to obey God and follow the path of sobriety. Over the past two years, I have often thought that it would have been easier to stay sober if life hadn’t taken a challenging turn. However, I am starting to doubt that belief. The events of the last two years have strengthened my faith and taught me to fully depend on God.

Through a broken marriage and a divorce, I have learned to rely on God in ways I wouldn’t have had to without these trials. I have discovered that true joy doesn’t come from my circumstances but from the Lord. Peace doesn’t arise from the absence of chaos and challenges; it comes from a deep trust in the Lord's plan for my life. I have witnessed how God has been my strength on my lowest days.

The Challenge:

Surrendering control and fully depending on God can be challenging. However, as you continue to surrender your fears, addictions, and hurts to Him, your trust in Him will grow stronger.

1. What do you typically use to cope when you feel overwhelmed, stressed, or hurt?

2. In these circumstances how could turning to God instead deepen your relationship with Him